I Never Mean't to Hurt You
by New Moon Werewolf
Summary: What if Artemis's mind games in AF had a worse affect on Holly than he thought possible? Rated to be safe. read and review!
1. Chapter 1

Summary: What if Artemis' mind games in the first book had a worse affect on Holly than he thought possible? Rated for suicide and blood.

I don't own the Artemis series, though if I did Root would show up later alive.

A/N - This is my first and probably only attempt at Artemis Fowl fan fiction. I know I'm not as good a writer and Eoin Colfer, so be kind and don't rub it in! POV changes throughout story.

**Holly's POV**

I couldn't believe it. I had been captured by Mud Men, one of them not even old enough to be shaving. Somehow he had known that I was a fairy, and knew about my magic, and that I needed to complete the Ritual. He had also managed to get around my _mesmer_.

I shuddered and pushed myself further into the corner of the cell, opposite of the cot. There was nothing I could do to help myself; I only a had a trickle of magic left, and it was worthless. Earlier I had felt something in my boot, and got my hopes up to only find out that it was a stone.

Then that little Mud Boy had come in and taunted me with knowledge he shouldn't know. Not that he should know anything about us fairies, mind you. He knew my name and rank from my I.D. tag, which was written in Gnommish, but he claimed to be able to read it. He knew about the hostage fund. The Mud Boy told me that he'd kept me on a sodium pentathol drip for over sixty hours and now knew everything he had told me and probably much more. I had asked him why he hadn't killed me, but I knew the answer already; he was going to try and get as much money for me as he could.

I risked a glare up at the camera mounted on the wall. No doubt that Mud Boy was watching me in case I tried any sort of escape attempt. Not that I had any magic or any strength to do so. I turned away to stare at the smooth concrete floor in front of my feet.

So he knew about the hostage fund. So what? The council wouldn't approve its use on the first female Recon officer, who was just a trial case.

And even if they did, by allowing myself be captured I had disgraced myself in such a terrible way that I would be fired from the Recon unit and banished to who knows where. But by revealing the secrets of our race to a Mud Man I had done the unthinkable, whether I had done so willingly or not didn't matter. If I got out of this thing alive and was banished I would be lucky. But if they found out about me spilling our races' secrets… I didn't want to think about that.

I also didn't want Commander Root to be ashamed and embarrassed because of me. I didn't want to give the others of the Recon unit a bad name because of what had happened to me. If I was lucky, the order to blue rinse this place would be given, and the shame of what I had done wouldn't matter because the Mud Boy would be dead, just like I would be. I didn't care about that. Getting out of here alive just to either banished or imprisoned didn't hold any appeal to me. My work was my life, and it was all I had. No family and hardly any friends, and all of them part of Recon.

But if they did negotiate with the Mud Boy…

My eyes lifted a little to rest on the metal frame of the cot. The Mud Boy couldn't negotiate if he didn't have a prisoner to use as bargaining material.

**Artemis's POV**

Once again I felt the guilty twinge on my conscious as I watched the captive huddle in a corner of her cell. I shook my head to dispel of such thoughts. Once the fairies realized that they couldn't beat me even with all of their fancy magic and agreed to my price, the captain would be released unharmed.

I smiled ever so slightly as she glared up at the camera. "Go ahead and hate me, Captain Short. It won't do you a bit of good. I have you and your precious Recon and Commander Root just where I want them. Once they give me the gold, I will release you."

"What if they chose to not agree with your terms, Artemis?"

I couldn't help it; I jumped. Looking over my shoulder, I eyed Butler. I had been concentrating so much on my captive I hadn't noticed or heard Butler enter the room. Turning back to the screens, I asked, "What do you mean by that, Butler?"

"What I meant is what if they decide that they don't want to agree with us and just bomb the manor? Even if we do have one of their own captive, they can just mark her off as a needed casualty to keep their secrets."

I shook my head again, this time in disagreement. "You weren't there when that Recon commander came in to negotiate with me. He doesn't want anything to happen to one of his officers, Butler. Trust me. Even if he's ordered to be some higher-up person, I suspect he'll either fight back long enough to attempt a rescue, or defy the order outright."

Butler remained silent. I could tell he still was completely satisfied with my statement, but I knew I had thought of everything. I knew as much about fairy magic as my enemies did, even if I didn't have any, I could outsmart it. Anything that fairy Recon rubble threw at me, I could handle.

**Holly's POV**

I got to my knees and crawled over to the cot. Unlike the room, it wasn't brand new, which was lucky for me. I didn't have enough magic left to cut through solid metal. But metal that was rusty inside? That I could handle, no problem.

Holding my hand over one of the small legs, I whispered, "Break."

The metal leg snapped off as blue sparks danced over it and died. I was empty of magic, not that it mattered. Just as I had hoped, the leg had broken off from the main frame with a pointed edge, and it was very, very sharp.

**Artemis's POV**

I frowned as I watched Captain Short get to her knees and cross the cell to the cot. She was looking at the frame, almost as if she was studying it. "What are you planning, Captain?" I asked softly.

She placed a hand over the leg closest to her; blue sparks appeared under and around her hand on the metal. Then they vanished, and the metal cot leg was in her hands.

"A weapon for when one of us enters the cell?" I said, thinking aloud. "But that wouldn't make any sense since she knows there's a camera watching her."

I continued watching Holly, curious as to what she was planning.

A/N - be a good reader and review! Please and thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: What if Artemis' mind games in the first book had a worse affect on Holly than he thought possible? Rated for suicide and blood.

I don't own the Artemis series, like I said before!

A/N - this is my first and probably only Artemis Fowl FanFic. I know I'm not as good a writer as Eoin Colfer, so be kind and don't rub it in! POV changes throughout the story.

**Holly's POV**

I returned to the corner of the room, holding the sharp piece of metal in one hand. No doubt the Mud Boy was trying to figure out was I was planning to do. That or he already knew and was trying to figure out how to stop me.

I didn't know how far the negotiations had gone, or if there even were any going on. I didn't care anymore. My only regret was not being able to apologize to Commander Root for letting all of this happen, and to tell him that despite being as strict as he always was, he had been like a second father to me, something I was glad to have had.

You know how they say that people who attempt to take their own lives end up fighting to live in the end because they suddenly realize that they don't want to die, that they realize that they do have someone or something to live for after all?

Well, I didn't.

Changing the position of my hands on the sharpened piece of metal, I rammed it into my chest, and I did so without hesitation.

**Artemis's POV**

"Damn it!" I shouted as I watched Captain Holly Short shove the sharp metal cot leg into her chest, wondering why I didn't realize what she had been planning sooner. Had what I said to her about telling me all of those things affected her this badly, or in doing so had I shown her that this was the only way out? Or had the suggestion that she had betrayed her people been a worse thing than I had thought, enough to make her chose to take her own life rather than be rescued?

All of those thoughts went trough my brain like lightening. My stomach clenched painfully as I realized that indeed it had been my fault that she had chosen this way out. I turned to Butler. "Get down there and try to stop the bleeding. I'll contact the Recon commander and tell him he needs to get in here if he wants to help his officer."

Butler left the room at a run as I activated the radio. "Commander Root! I know you can hear me! Captain Short just ran herself through with a sharpened piece of metal. I need you and someone else to come up here right away and heal her!"

No answer.

"Commander Root, do you hear me? Or are you not answering because you really don't care about your officer? Answer me!"

**Root's POV**

The radio next to Foaly crackled. "Commander Root! I know you can hear me! Captain Short just ran herself through with a sharpened piece of metal. I need you and someone else to come up here right away and heal her!"

Root glared at the radio. "what does that Mud Boy take us for, idiots? Walk right on up there and into a trap so he can just demand more gold?"

Foaly shifted nervously as Artemis's voice came again out of the small machine. "Commander Root, do you hear me? Or are you not answering because you really don't care about your officer? Answer me!"

"Julius, he might just be telling the truth."

"Don't call me Julius, Foaly!" Root roared. He grabbed the mike. "Yeah, I hear you, Mud Boy, but I don't believe you. You feed us this lie about Captain Short needing help, you capture us and demand more gold! We're not stupid, Mud Boy. And besides, if you're holding Short hostage, where would she get a sharp piece of metal from?"

"She used the last of her magic to break off one of the legs of the cot in the cell. Now listen; I give you and one other fairy permission to enter the manor to heal the Captain and leave afterward. No one will try and stop you. I will meet you at the door."

The line went dead. Slowly, Julius set the mike back down. "He invited us back into his house and gave us permission to leave afterwards…gods above, he was telling the truth."

**Butler's POV**

As I ran down the hall towards the cell, I reflected on the look on Artemis's face when the fairy ran herself through. It was one of fear and regret, neither of which I had ever seen on Artemis's face directed at another human. Regret over something of great value, maybe. But never a person. And what's worse, he had been the cause of it.

Hurriedly I punched in the access code for the cell and the door swung open. I hurried inside, and groaned. I had seen many dead and dying people in my life, and on some occasions it had been me who had caused their injures. But the fairy captain had done this to herself out of hopelessness and a broken, shattered soul. She was slumped on her side against the wall, a growing pool of blood underneath her.

It didn't look like she was breathing.

A/N - I love leaving cliffhangers… he he he ….

Don't forget to review!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N - her you go, the last part. I also changed my mind about this being my only Artemis fanfic. One of my readers gave me a suggestion for an alternate version of this story, so I wrote it; it's called "I'm Flying Away."

Enjoy!

**Root's POV**

I walked as quickly as I could without making it seem like I was running up the main path to the manor. I passed Trouble on the way. "Trouble, you're with me. Come on."

Trouble raised his eyebrows as he followed me. "Did you just call me Trouble, Commander? What's going on?"

I glared at him over my shoulder. "We got a message from the Mud Boy. Short did something to herself and needs to be healed ASAP, so you'd better be running hot."

"I just preformed the Ritual last month and haven't used a whole lot of my magic." Trouble scowled. "What makes you think that this isn't some elaborate trap?"

"He gave me and one other fairy permission to enter the manor and heal her and then leave afterwards."

"But he didn't make eye contact with you, right? Maybe it is a trap."

Trouble's words almost brought me up short. I had been so worried about my Captain that I hadn't even considered the thought. I couldn't believe how stupid I had been. The Mud Boys' voice had carried a considerable amount of fear, but from what we had seen in the past couple of hours he was a very good actor. I would have to confront him about it before setting a foot inside the manor.

The doors swung open as we reach the top of the stairs. The Mud Boy was standing there, breathless. Although I was concerned for Holly, I wasn't totally convinced that he was telling me the truth, thanks to Trouble's statement.

"Tell me again what's going on, Mud Boy."

To my utmost surprise, Artemis actually ground his teeth in frustration. "Like I said before, your Captain just tried to kill herself. If you truly care about her, then you'll come in and heal her. You have my permission to leave afterward. I will not hold either of you for ransom. Now please stop wasting my time and thus the Captain's time."

He turned away. Hesitating only briefly, Trouble and I followed him.

**Artemis's POV**

I couldn't believe it. Well, maybe I could. The fairy commander still questioned me before setting foot inside the manor. Given, when I first gave the okay for two of them to re-enter my house I hadn't made eye contact to make it official, but I had meant it.

I hurriedly led them to the cell where the captain was, hopefully still alive.

When we entered the cell, Butler was kneeling next to the Captain, pressing his suit jacket to a wound on her chest. Blood was pooled under her body. Tossed to the side was long, thin piece of metal, sharp on one end. The sharp end was covered in drying blood.

Both fairies cursed in their language before rushing to their fallen comrades' side. Butler got up and came to stand next to me.

"How is she?" I asked in a whisper.

Butler shook his head. "Not good, I'm afraid. She was hardly breathing when I came in. Right before you and the fairies came, she stopped. That wound was in the worst possible place, right below her heart. She probably punctured her lung as well."

I nodded, not knowing what to say.

**Trouble's POV**

When Root called me by my first name, I knew something was wrong. And I was right. The Mud Boy had contacted Root saying Holly had tried to kill herself. Inwardly I was stunned. Holly would never do such a thing. Was it a trap?

The commander said that the Mud Boy had given him verbal permission to enter the house with one other, heal Holly and then leave. But since the orders hadn't been given with eye contact, I questioned how authentic they were.

But it was true. All of it.

When the Mud Boy led us to the cell and I saw Holly on the floor covered in her own blood and more of it on the floor, I felt sick. I huge Mud Man was on the floor next to her, pressing his gigantic dress coat to the wound.

I cursed, vaguely hearing the commander do the same before rushing to her side.

Holly, Holly, what on earth happened to you that you chose this over life?

**Root's POV**

In the cell the giant Mud Man was kneeling next to Captain Short, pressing something huge and dark colored to her chest. The was a spiked piece of metal on the floor near them, its tip covered in drying blood. Holly's blood.

Swearing I dropped to by knees next to her on one side, Trouble Kelp on the other as the Mud Man moved out of our way. We both placed or hands over the wound and whispered, "Heal."

Blue sparks radiated from both of us to cover the wound. Slowly, ever so slowly, the wound began to heal. But she didn't start breathing. "Kelp, keep healing that wound; I'll work on getting her lungs working again."

Kelp nodded but didn't answer; he as concentrating on healing Holly's wound. Keeping my hands on the wound, I altered the course of my magic, sending it into her lungs, making them expand and contract in time with my own breaths.

Suddenly Kelp cursed. "D'arvit! Her heart just stopped. Commander? I don't have the training to take care of something like that."

I nodded curtly. "Take over her breathing. I'll work on her heart." What I didn't say was that I had no idea what to do, either. I remembered watching a Mud Man TV program where when someone's heart stopped, they tried shocking it. I didn't know how Holly or any other fairy would react, but it was worth a try.

Lifting one hand away from her body, I gathered my magic in my hand and kept it growing until I couldn't hold it anymore. Then I rammed it down onto her chest, praying that it would work.

**Artemis's POV**

When the other fairy who had come with the commander said that Holly's heart had stopped, it felt like mine did as well. Yes, I was a criminal mastermind bent on doing capers that were definitely against the law, but I never wanted someone to get seriously hurt from them, let alone die because of them.

What had I done?

The commander was gathering a large amount of magic into one hand. Smart, really. Try and shock the heart just like the doctors. But to what affect would it have on a fairy heart? Would it work and start beating again? Or would it just make the heart literally explode?

When the commander rammed the magical sphere onto his officer's chest, there was a flash of blinding light that made all of us turn away, blinking hard. The fairies were the first to recover, checking on whether or not it had worked.

"Commander, whatever you just did, it healed her wound." the other fairy said. " But I don't know about her heart…"

Hurriedly Root checked the Captain's pulse. With bated breath, we all waited to hear his verdict.

**Root's POV**

The magic that I had used to try and start Holly's heart with again had instead healed her self-inflicted wound. But had it started her heart as well? Quickly, I laid my fingers to her throat. It was there, but irregular and very faint.

"Well?" the Mud Boy demanded. "Is she alive?"

I turned on my knees and glared at him. "What do you care? Yes, she is alive. But before you start booting us out again so you can hold her for ransom, hear this; her heart is beating, but faint and irregular."

The boy's shoulder's drooped slightly.

"Um, commander?" Trouble was looking at Holly, his face a mixture of emotions. "Her body didn't run a system check like it should have. Anyone who had a massive healing like we just did, whether by their own magic or not should've done a system check. But - " He broke off.

Holly was stirring. "C-Commander? Why are you here after what I did?" Her voice was thick with pain and… and sadness?

"Short, what are you -" I started to ask, but her eyes had closed again. Fearfully I check for a pulse. It was still there, but growing fainter. "Her body doesn't do a system check. She comes back with a irregular heartbeat…" Trouble was muttering to himself. Suddenly he looked up at the Mud Boy, eyes angry. "Why did she ask Commander Root why he was here after what she had done? What did you do to her?"

Then I realized what had happened. We may have restarted her heart and healed her wounds, but she hadn't wanted to come back. Even the Mud Boy had told us that she had done this to herself.

She hadn't wanted to come back…

**Artemis's POV**

I knew it wouldn't take them long after the captain was healed to start figuring out that it was my fault for what had happened. I just hadn't expected her to wake up, speak and then pass out again. Root hurriedly checked her pulse again. Ignoring the other fairy for the time being I addressed the commander. "Is she still with us?"

"Barely, no thanks to you. Answer Trouble's question; what did you do to her?"

There was no escaping it; I knew I had to tell the truth, to set myself a little at ease if nothing else. "I made her think that it was her who had told me about the ransom fund, among other things. I told her that I had kept her on a truth serum drip for three days, until I had everything I needed to know. It was all lies. I got all of the information from a copy of the Book."

A pin could've been dropped and I think all of us would've jumped a foot in the air. Except for Holly, of course.

Root narrowed his eyes at me. "You told her that she had betrayed the People and her friends?"

I nodded. "I thought it was necessary to keep her from trying to escape."

"You aren't as smart as you think you are, Fowl. She, like every good fairy in and out of Recon believes that to betray ones friends and people is to loose all of ones integrity and morals. If you don't have either of those, you're better off dead. Holly, who has worked so hard to prove herself, who _lives _to help others and be there for friends, you told her she had betrayed them? It kept her from escaping, all right. You locked her up inside of her own heart before shattering it!"

I didn't say anything. What was there to say? They obviously wouldn't believe me if I tried to apologize. And how was I supposed to know about the 'betraying ones friends' moral? It hadn't been in the Book; if it had been then I never would've said those things to her.

Root gave me one last hateful look before gathering Holly up and cradling her on the ground.

**Root's POV**

It was the Mud Boy's fault. I had known it, I just didn't know the reason why. The boy had no or very few morals, otherwise he would've realized how truly bad it was for someone to betray their friends. And to indicate that to someone that they had done so when they hadn't was one of the cruelest forms of mind torture.

But I didn't have time to teach him; I had to bring Holly back before she died on me again; then she would be lost forever. Throwing one last hateful look at him, I gently picked Holly up and cradling her in my arms I started talking softly to her. "Holly, it was all lies; all of it. You didn't do anything wrong. We still need you, Holly. You didn't tell anyone anything. It was just lies to keep you from trying anything; you're innocent." I reached up and stroked her face, showing a rare gesture of affection. "Holly, please just come back to us. Come back."

**Holly's POV**

I don't know where I was. It felt like I was floating underwater, but I could breathe. I couldn't see anything, and yet I could see. There was mist-like substance spinning all around be, almost as if was what kept me floating. It cool but not cold wherever I was, and I could feel a gentle breeze playing over my skin.

I still had all of my memories, both good and painful. I knew I had taken my own life, trying to save those I cared about from any more grief than I had already caused them. But that was all past me now; here, wherever 'here' was, was peaceful and calm.

But in one instant the peacefulness was shattered as a bolt of blue lightening came out of nowhere, striking my chest and anchoring itself there. I felt like I was being reeled in, being taken somewhere. Then I felt a tingling sensation where my wound had been, and realized what was going on; I was being healed.

I fought it, but it was useless. Another flash of light came from the same direction as the first, looping itself around me, cradling me as it pulled me relentlessly back to my real body. I was still fighting when I felt people touching me. I could feel hard stone underneath me; I was back. For the time being.

I opened my eyes; Commander Root and Trouble Kelp were on either side of me, worried and fearful expressions on their faces. "C-Commander Root?" I asked, my voice barely making any sound. "Why are you here after what I did?"

Then, thankfully, blackness consumed me.

I don't how much time passed; a minute, a few minutes, an hour? I came back to my senses to feel someone holding me, rocking back and forth like a mother fairy with her baby. Someone was whispering in my ear. I heard my name.

"Please come back to us, Holly. Please come back. It's not your fault. It was lies, all of it. We still need you. Please, just come back."

It was Commander Root, and he was calling me back to the real world.

"Julius?" I whispered.

Whoever was holding me stopped rocking. "Holly?" he loosened his hold on me a little. I looked up… right into the face of Commander Julius Root. If I'd had any energy, I would've gasped or been embarrassed, or both. But I didn't have any, so I didn't. Trouble was on my other side, both of his hands covered in what had to be my blood. They had both saved me. Or condemned me.

"Commander, what happened?"

Suddenly he was holding me tightly. "We thought we'd lost you." I thought I heard a soft sob; it was Julius. "Don't you ever, _ever _doing something like that ever again, do you understand me, Captain Short? I don't want to lose you again, one of my best officers…" he trailed off for a moment as he carefully laid me down again. "…or the young lady I've come to love like the daughter I never had."

I felt a hand on my shoulder; Trouble. "Don't scare us like that again, Holly." he said softly. "I'm not a cat with nine lives to use up."

"Why did you bring me back?" I asked softly. "And what lies are you talking about?"

Artemis stepped into view behind the commander. "It was I who told you lies, Holly." His voice sounded odd. I struggled into a sitting position, leaning up against the wall and looked up into his eyes. There was still a deep-set cold look about him, but in with that there was relief and fading fear. The Mud Boy had been worried? Why had he been worried? He continued speaking. "What I said about the truth serum, and you spilling out the secrets of your people were lies to keep you from trying anything. I

didn't-" he paused. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Holly. I was just going to hold you until I got the ransom money, then release you. I was never going to harm you or your kind." He took a step closer. "I know it probably doesn't matter to you, but I'm sorry."

**Root's POV **

When I heard Holly's voice in my ear, I felt relief floor my body. She was alive. Safe, back with us. And I would make sure nothing happened to her again. I held her tightly, wanting to make sure she understood how much we had been frightened by her actions. Trouble too, voiced his feelings on the matter. All the better.

The Mud Boy came over and started explaining what he had done and why. He topped it all of by asking for forgiveness. I, for one, would never give it to him unless he did something pretty drastic in the future, which was highly unlikely.

**Artemis's POV**

I didn't hear Holly speak the first time, but I saw the commander gasp, then hug her body close, silently crying as he spoke softly to his officer. It took me a moment to realize that she hadn't died, but woken up again. While I didn't want to intrude on their touching reunion, I had something to say to Holly.

I stepped behind the commander. "What I told you were lies, Holly." My voice sounded odd, though I couldn't tell why. Holly struggled into a sitting position, leaning up against the wall and looked at me suspiciously. I continued speaking. "What I said about the truth serum, and you spilling out the secrets of your people were lies to keep you from trying anything. I didn't -" I paused. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Holly. I was just going to hold you until I got the ransom money, then release you. I was never going to harm you or your kind." I took a step closer. "I know it probably doesn't matter to you, but I'm sorry."

I allowed them all to leave after that. I didn't want the gold after what I had done.

**Root's POV - a little over one year later - During the Arctic Incident**

I felt the Mud Boy, Artemis, lay a hand on my shoulder, trying to give me comfort as I watched the healing of my captain. Mist and snow crystals shrouded Captain Short from view amidst blue sparks of healing magic. Her screams had stopped now as she fell to the ground. I could sense that none of us wanted to get any closer, yet we were drawn to the site, anxious and afraid of what we would find.

She was laying in a pool of melted snow, eyes open and unseeing. I felt my throat tighten. No, dear God no…

A heard a sharp intake of breath to my right; Artemis. He rushed forward and dropped to his knees next to her. "Holly, wake up. Holly!" he shook her shoulder roughly. "Come on, Holly. You're scaring us. Wake up!"

With a gasp Holly shot up into a sitting position, breathing as hard as if she'd just run a one-minute mile in half that time. Artemis grabbed her by her shoulders. "Holly. Holly, speak to me. Your finger. Is it okay?" I was surprised to hear slight panic in his voice, just like he had sounded when she had almost died last year.

Holly looked from him to her hand. Wriggling her fingers, she said, "I think so." She looked back at him, her eyes a strange mix of emotions. "Thank you, Artemis."

Artemis actually grinned. "Good to hear you're okay." His voice was casual now, but as he helped Holly to her feet and came back to us, I could plainly see the relief in his eyes.

The debt from last year was now paid in full. I could tell Holly thought so, too.

A/N -The end. Hope you all liked it! I know I didn't do the POV from Trouble more than once, but I wasn't sure how to write him.

Read and review, please!!!


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